Family?

I grew up half the country away from family...only had parents and sibling. When most people went to visit Grandparents or cousins, I couldnt. I always felt cheated. I always wanted what others had and I didnt. Since family was halfway across the country it was years between visits. Many of my cousins are grown and many dont even know me. My children dont know these family members either. Many have died and so my children will never even get to know them. Then there are many that I have no clue where they are. I miss my family that is so far away. I want to see my family that is so far away.

I have stayed close to my immediate family because I have always wanted for my children what I never had. I always wanted my children to know and be close to family since I couldnt.

Sad part of this is that I hold family as a high priority. I hold family as most vaulable, most important. Why? I have to wonder why?

The family that is nearby never has anything to do with us. We never see them. They never see us. They do their thing, we do ours. My children have family right here that they never get to see. They spend time with their families but not us. They go do things with their family but not us. So, why do I keep thinking that family is so important? Why do I care so much?

My moma died in 2000. At that time I lost not only her but also a sibling and a child. No, they didnt die....they just stepped out of my life like no big deal. They 'faded into the sunset' never to be seen or heard from again. Ok, I have a sibling that calls when he needs something from my husband. The need for communication is ONLY when they NEED something. They know where I am, where to find me, email, etc, all information needed to reach me but dont.

Men dont get it. They have that cold wall up and just act like 'no big deal'. But it tears me up. I have stayed put so that I could be close to family for many years. Now I am to a point that I just dont care. What I mean is that after all of these years trying to be in one place close to family, I just dont see the point in it anymore. I feel like just up and going someplace far away. What would it matter? They wouldnt see me or talk to me any more or less than now.

I have a friend that is more like family than my 'family'. I have a friend that I do things for and with, visit, share feelings, etc. I have a friend that is here for me. This friend is more like family than my very own family. I can depend on my friend. I know my friend would be there, she has been. This friend has become more like family than I could ever imagine. She is the best! So why? Why cant my family be just that, Family?

Am I just wrong to thing that family can do things together, spend time together, be a family? Do I have a distorted view on what a family is? Am I living in the wrong time...when Beaver Cleaver and all was the norm, when family was just that Family?

It's been a while

Things have been crazy. I had planned to be on here regularly...ooops. Michelle and I went to Arizona and so this has been neglected.

We had a blast in the short time we were gone. I think I found Heaven or something close to it. We have tons and tons of pics...will have to share in bits. Check out the Flickr show to see.